- What kind of swinging are you interested in doing — soft or hard swap?
- Are you comfortable with only same-room swapping — or separate rooms?
- What are your non-negotiables? For example, a few of our non-negotiables are: always practice safe sex and never take one for the team.
You don’t have to include a ton of details in your profile — but definitely include any hard-line rules or boundaries you have as a couple.
If you don’t define your desires together upfront, it can come back to bite you both in the ass later. For example, early last year, we spent a few weeks talking to a couple who eventually asked us about our political leanings. When they found out my husband did not share their political views, it quickly became clear this was an unwritten non-negotiable for them. Maybe they were worried someone who wasn’t quite as conservative as they were might think it was kinky to yell out “free healthcare for all” mid-climax. As silly as their non-negotiable was to us, it mattered a whole lot to them. If they had been upfront about the importance of couples being politically aligned with them, we would have all saved ourselves some frustration.
- Discuss how you want to meet other swinger couples
- There are several ways to meet swingers in the lifestyle. Since we’re in the middle of a pandemic as I write this, options are relatively limited right now. I’m hoping things get back to how they were eventually, so I’ll give you all the non-pandemic options too.
Chatting couples up online and scheduling a first date: This was how we first started the lifestyle. We felt most comfortable meeting a single couple at a time for a drink. We didn’t schedule a date until we chatted for a while online, voice verified they were real humans, and made sure we had the same swinging objectives.
Swinger clubs: This wasn’t an option for us as we don’t live in an area with any swinger clubs. If it were an option, I think it would have been an excellent option for getting a feel for the lifestyle. It’s an easy way to scope out the scene, and there’s not nearly as much pressure when you’re surrounded by couples you haven’t spent weeks talking to. Check out this swingers blog to find out where your local clubs are.
Swinger resorts: A rather giant leap and cost and time-prohibitive for most, but resorts are always an option. Various resorts cater to the lifestyle crowd. They often have themed weeks for older couples, younger couples, bi-sexual couples. You name it — they have it for you there.
- Communication is key
No matter how you decide to get started, taking your time and making sure you’re both on the same page is absolutely critical.
Getting into the swinging lifestyle can be a sexually liberating experience of forbidden pleasure. Still, it can also turn into one big headache if you’re unprepared and struggling to communicate. The easiest way to avoid the headache is by taking it slow and intentional about what you want as a couple and what you are willing to give others in return. Only the two of you will be able to decide what you want to get out of swinging. Once you communicate your desires, let them guide your exploration. Lean into the pleasure of swinging and all the fun to be had as part of the lifestyle community.